Depression is an interesting emotional phenomenon. It creeps up and manifests itself in different ways for different people. For me, I usually don't realize I am depressed until I am in a different environment. One of my physical manifestations of depression is the area surrounding my eyes gets tight. This is where my eyelashes are. It isn't sore, just that I am aware of the skin around my eyes. Once I know I am in trouble I am able to work on my mind and my attitude.
Asking for help from friends is good. A simple phone call or email to check in helps. Today I went to the mall for two laps totalling 4.4 kms. While on my walk I met a friend from my knitting group. She was on a mission to do some shopping and was happy to stop to chat. Every human interaction improves how I reflect on my situation and my life. I am also focusing on changing my "head voice" or how I talk to myself. It is important for me to constantly reinforce all the good parts of my life.
I am blessed with great friends, my health except for the boob that went AWOL, I have a safe home, a reliable car, I can go where I want when I want, I can decorate my nest in vibrant colours, wear crazy outfits, dye my hair with raspberry streaks. I can eat when I want, what I want, I can go to bed when I am tired and wake up when I want to. I enjoy books, British crime shows, reality tv (The Great British Baking show and Portrait Artist of the Year), I can check my tablet without annoying anyone, but yes, sometimes I am lonely.
The phone seldom rings, I likely don't get enough face time, I miss my friends who have busy lives, or live too far away for daily contact.
So I am in a funk. I know the true reason. I have one son who is married to an American girl and they live several hours away. Due to his own mental health issues he has said he wants to step back from our toxic relationship. I find that an interesting comment as we don't have a relationship. Money is the root of all evil. He wanted access to mine and I know my money is for my long term care when I get older. Communication has completely broken down between us. He promised that he will always be there if I need him however during my cancer journey his attitude has been Figure it out, You will be fine. When I get to the point that I do need him, I will be too stubborn to ask him for help. So I will hire someone instead. My heart is broken but I cannot let this impact my spirit. I am strong. I cannot control the actions of others but I can control how I react.
I need to let this hurt go free to the universe and I need to heal myself. Now if only I were a physician. If you have never read Dear and Glorious Physician, religion aside, it is a great read.
Asking for help from friends is good. A simple phone call or email to check in helps. Today I went to the mall for two laps totalling 4.4 kms. While on my walk I met a friend from my knitting group. She was on a mission to do some shopping and was happy to stop to chat. Every human interaction improves how I reflect on my situation and my life. I am also focusing on changing my "head voice" or how I talk to myself. It is important for me to constantly reinforce all the good parts of my life.
I am blessed with great friends, my health except for the boob that went AWOL, I have a safe home, a reliable car, I can go where I want when I want, I can decorate my nest in vibrant colours, wear crazy outfits, dye my hair with raspberry streaks. I can eat when I want, what I want, I can go to bed when I am tired and wake up when I want to. I enjoy books, British crime shows, reality tv (The Great British Baking show and Portrait Artist of the Year), I can check my tablet without annoying anyone, but yes, sometimes I am lonely.
The phone seldom rings, I likely don't get enough face time, I miss my friends who have busy lives, or live too far away for daily contact.
So I am in a funk. I know the true reason. I have one son who is married to an American girl and they live several hours away. Due to his own mental health issues he has said he wants to step back from our toxic relationship. I find that an interesting comment as we don't have a relationship. Money is the root of all evil. He wanted access to mine and I know my money is for my long term care when I get older. Communication has completely broken down between us. He promised that he will always be there if I need him however during my cancer journey his attitude has been Figure it out, You will be fine. When I get to the point that I do need him, I will be too stubborn to ask him for help. So I will hire someone instead. My heart is broken but I cannot let this impact my spirit. I am strong. I cannot control the actions of others but I can control how I react.
I need to let this hurt go free to the universe and I need to heal myself. Now if only I were a physician. If you have never read Dear and Glorious Physician, religion aside, it is a great read.
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